Crazy House
by Juli Kenobi
Summary: Ashley and Juliana find themselves in a crazy house with Qui and Obi. Ashley forgets the medication for Juliana again. Chaos Ensues. Review please! hehe
1. Witch Doctor?!

Rating: R If there was a "sane" part of town, then this house was the furthest from it....DUN DUN DUN....alright you guys i wrote this at an all time sugar high. well...ok, it wasnt that bad, i wasnt seeing pink leprecahns or anything..... Oh by the way...the spelling sucks, i know. e-mail me back!   
  
[a small 2 story house sitting on a hill]   
  
[inside, Ashley is making french toast, humming to herself]  
  
Ashley: Lahahhh Lahhhh LAAAAHHHH!!!  
  
[a bloodcurling scream is heard, and then Juliana comes bounding down the stairs]  
  
Juliana: Ashley! Why is there a man in my bed?!  
  
Ashley: We-eee-eelll, once i was done with him I tried to get some sleep but he kept stealing the covers, so i put him in your bed.  
  
Juliana: Ashley, i thought you promised not to do that anymore!  
  
Ashley: [shrugs] hey, you havent been in the bathroom yet have you?  
  
Juliana: no, why? [steals some toast and starts to head upstairs]  
  
Ashley: Wake up Sexy Blonde and tell him he needs to get to work soon.  
  
Juliana: [rolls eyes]  
  
[hours later, Ashley is still trying to convince Sexy Blonde to leave]  
  
Ashley: [giggles] no, come on....[recieves kisses] no, you really have to gooooo....  
  
[juliana is at work sitting in her office staring at the blinker cursor. She blinks in tune with it. the phone rings]  
  
Juliana: hello?  
  
Ashley: Why hello there! Heeeey, you dont mine if I already invited over an old witch doctor for a seiance do you?  
  
Juliana: Ashley, how on earth did you find a witch doctor?  
  
Ashley: Well, funny story actually, Sexy Blonde's mother escaped from the mental facility again so he had to go and get her, but he didnt have his car, so I drove him and then BAM out of nowhere....  
  
Juliana: You bumped into a witch doctor  
  
Ashley: No, more like nearly ran her over. Sexy Blonde threw her in the trunk. When she woke up she was putting curses on me and sucking her toes. Can i keep her?!  
  
Juliana: [sighs] Fine, but you owe me one!  
  
Ashley: Brown or Blue?  
  
Juliana: What?  
  
Ashley: Do you want a man with brown eyes or blue eyes?  
  
Juliana: How on earth did you come up with that?  
  
Ashley: You said i owed you one, so I wanted to know your preferences before I went out to the bar and brought home some sex for you.  
  
Juliana: Say goodbye Ashley  
  
Ashley: Goodbye ashley!  
  
******  
  
[Juliana comes home, the witch doctor and some guys passed out drunk on the lawn. Juliana steps over them and enters the house]  
  
Ashley: Hiya!  
  
Juliana: [puts stuff down] And how was your seiance?  
  
Ashley: GREAT! I got to meet Bob!  
  
Juliana: Who is bob?  
  
Ashley: I dont know, but the witch doctor told me he was hot and he liked my feet.  
  
Juliana: Your feet?  
  
Ashley: Yeah...I don't get it, but it sounded kinky, so I was all for it!  
  
Juliana: Riiiight....[notices an envelope on the ground] Hey whats this?  
  
Ashley: How should I know? I'm not a Masochist for crying out loud!!  
  
Juliana: You mean Pshycic right?  
  
Ashley: Oh yeah....i think i had too much to drink.  
  
[Juliana opens the note]  
  
Juliana: [squeals]  
  
Ashley: Oink Oink.  
  
Juliana: [looks at Ashley]  
  
Ashley: Ok, it's agreed. I watch too much Mystery Science Theater. Who's it from?  
  
Juliana: Ben and Qui. They just got back from Dantooine. They have a week's rest and they're going to pick us up at the usual spot.  
  
Ashley: [thoughtfully] That sounds kinkyyy.....  
  
Juliana: Hey ashley?  
  
Ashley: Yeah?  
  
Juliana: Go pack while I get rid of the witch doctor.  
  
[later, Juliana is packing in the front room with a checkboard]  
  
Juliana: My shorts, check. Ashley's shorts in case she forgets hers...check. My toothbrush, check. Ashley's toothbrush in case she forgets hers, check!  
  
Ashley: Banannas, Chocolate, Ropes, handcuffs. My Lengerie, check! Juliana's Lengerie in case she forgets hers...check!  
  
Juliana: You ready?  
  
Ashley: NOOOOO! WAIT! [runs upstairs and comes back down with videos and a videorecorder]  
  
Juliana: What's that for?  
  
Ashley: Well, these are videos of two hot nekkid guys doin' it. See? Lord of the Fags and The Phantom Dildo.  
  
Juliana: And the video recorder?....  
  
Ashley: I'm making my own! BWAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Juliana: riiight....  
  
[in a park later on, it's very dark and Juliana & Ashley sit on their suitcases. Juliana, who is high on sugar, tries to climb a tree]  
  
Juliana: HEE HEE!! LOOK AT MEEE!!! LOOK AT MEEE!!! IM CLIMBING A TREEEEE!  
  
Ashley: You fruit! You're gonna hurt yourself! [applies more make-up]  
  
Juliana: Hey Ashley?  
  
Ashley: Yeah?  
  
Juliana: Doesn it seem like....we're in a fic?  
  
[they think for a minute]  
  
Ashley and Juliana: Naahahhhhhhh....  
  
[a ship comes down from the sky and lands in the park, hidden by trees]  
  
Ashley: [squeals]  
  
Juliana: Oink Oink  
  
[Qui-Gon, aka "Sex God" comes down the ramp followed closely by Obi-"The dominator" Wan Kenobi.]  
  
Ashley: AAAHHHH!!! [runs into Qui-Gon's arms and procedes to make out with him] Ohh..mmmm.....  
  
Obi: Juliana?  
  
Juliana: I'm stuck!  
  
Obi: What? Speak up!  
  
Juliana: I'm stuck in a tree!  
  
Obi: You're sucking on a bee?  
  
Juliana: NO! I'm stuck in a TREE!!  
  
Obi: You're thirsty and you want some Tea?!  
  
Juliana: NOOO!!!  
  
Ashley: She clearly said "Obi, my dearst love, I would like nothing more than to be your sex slave eternally"  
  
Qui: NO! She said she wants to sleep with Yoda!  
  
Obi: EEwww.....  
  
Ashley: [wistfully] kinkkyy.....  
  
Obi: But Juliana, I'm much better than him!  
  
Ashley: How do you know?  
  
Obi: I'm going to ignore that  
  
Juliana: IM STUCK IN A TREEEE!!!!  
  
Qui: She wants to sleep with ME!!  
  
Ashley: Save me from this Bee??  
  
Obi: Save me from this Gee?  
  
Ashley: OOhhhh....A Gee! A G-string! [smug] She's caught in a G-string you guys.  
  
Obi & Qui: OOOOhhhhhh...i get it now.  
  
Obi: But how do we get her out?  
  
Ashley: The only way I can get out of my G-strings is by having a really hot guys rip them off.  
  
Obi: hmm.....  
  
[silence]  
  
Qui: I know! I'll call Mace Windu!  
  
Ashley: [hits him] You fruit! [sighs] i can see this is going to take a REAL man...[pulls a pic of Rob Roy out....(aka...liam neeson....aka...qui-gon....)  
  
Ashley: Uhm...how did the witch doctor put this...Oh yes! Hocus pocus. Jiggly Wiggly....Stuffed SOCK! Oh how I want this man's COCK!  
  
[rob roy comes to life and rushes into the forest]  
  
Juliana: AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
did Juliana faint of fright, or of pleasure? Is Ashley hiding a terrible Secret? Is Obi-Wan actually straight?  
  
Find out on our next episode of 'As the Galaxy turns'  
  
**no cute animals were harmed in the making of this fic....  
  
I cant speak for the ugly ones.....  
  
It was an accident, i swear!! 


	2. Rob Roy

Here we go again peoples.....  
  
Narrator: Last time on 'as the Galaxy turns,' Juliana was stuck in a Gee- I mean, a Tree. Out heroes sent in rob roy to get the job done. But someone even more sinister is right around the corner....  
  
Juliana: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!  
  
Narrator: Not yet!  
  
Juliana: oh, we haven't started yet?  
  
Audience: [sighs]  
  
Narrator: Here's Episode 2 of our never ending story. [to juli] Alright, now you may start.  
  
Juliana: thank you. [takes a deep breath] AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!  
  
Obi: Juli? You alright? Did Rob Roy get you out of your G-string?  
  
Juliana: [exits the woods, holding her pants up with one have and Rob Roy's ear in the other.] I WAS STUCK. IN. A. TREE!  
  
Everyone: ooohhhhhh  
  
Ashley: Well, now I just feel stupid!  
  
Juliana: Duh. Now how do we get rid of the Scotsman here?  
  
Ashley: hmm....Do we have to?  
  
Juliana: Ashley? Where'd ya go? You just disappeared!!!  
  
Ashley: I'm right here! [next to rob, drooling all over him]  
  
Juliana: [looks from Ashley's original spot next to Qui, then to her spot now with Roy.] Holy shit you're fast!  
  
Ashley: You have to be in my line of work!  
  
Qui: Which is?....  
  
Ashley: Uhm....goddamn! don't do that to me! My brain hurts enough from trying to decide which I want more. Qui or Roy?  
  
Juliana: qui's a mind reader. He knows EXACTLY what you want  
  
Ashley: but roy does public sex in the middle of a field! This is impossible! It's like trying to decide between Obi and Curt wild!  
  
Juliana: [eyes go blank]   
  
Ashley: You see what I mean? It's impossible!  
  
Qui: Can't you just have the both of us? [wink wink]  
  
Ashley: YAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! [jumps up and down]  
  
Juliana: [blank stare]  
  
Obi: OH COME ON FOR FORCE SAKES!   
  
Juliana: Curt......obi?....curt?....obi?  
  
Ashley: [laughs]  
  
Obi: [sighs] this is so messed up  
  
Juliana: The story of my life sugar!  
  
[deafening crash and all of the characters fall down]  
  
[Ashley falls ( a little too) conveniently into Qui's lap]  
  
Juliana: [face down] what was that?  
  
Obi: where are we?  
  
Juliana: [gets up] What the fuck?  
  
Faceless Voice: that's MY LINE!  
  
Juliana: Oh no.  
  
Ashley: Hey, isn't that...?  
  
Voice: that's right! It's me! TIM! FOX FUCKING RINGO!  
  
Qui: what?  
  
Juliana: his name from the RPG.....just ignore it. TIM! What are we doing here?  
  
[screen comes up and tim's face appears with a light coming up from under his chin- very dramatic.]  
  
Ashley: Dumb dumb! We can tell that that's a flashlight under your chin.  
  
Juliana: [stage whisper] He's going for dramatic I think  
  
Tim: shut up! [tosses the flashlight and turns on the lights behind him]  
  
Obi: why did you bring us here?  
  
Tim: You'll never escape!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Juliana: riiiiight....  
  
Tim: ahem....anyways, Juliana, whats the one show that Ashley is ALWAYS watching?  
  
Juliana: the Playgirl channel?  
  
Tim: NO!  
  
Ashley: My Gay pornos?  
  
Tim: NO YOU MORON!  
  
Qui: good lord. Not happy days!  
  
[happy days theme song]  
  
Tim: NOOOOOOOOOO!!! THE MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER!  
  
Juliana: oh no! [looks around] We're in the satellite!  
  
Ashley: WOW! ITS LIKE DISNEYLAND FOR THE SCI FI CHANNEL!!!!  
  
Juliana: Oh no! you're gonna make us watch bad movies aren't you?  
  
Tim: BWAHAHAHAHA!  
  
TBC..... 


End file.
